Do you love a good drama? Or maybe a dramedy? There was a time in my life that dramas were it for me! TV shows, movies, and books… it didn’t matter just give me drama. For the most part tho I am a kids cartoon type of movie person to the dismay of my children. There are a few movies such as Young Guns, Tombstone, Alamo and all the musicals (well, not all of them but a lot of them). If you were to put me in front of a drama today, I am walking away. No sir, I do not have time to inflict myself with all the emotions of whatever the drama of the day is. Big Hero 6 or Mufasa dying is about all the emotions I want to expend in my entertainment. We have so much drama in life without looking for more. And let’s face it, 2020 is a drama in and of itself, I mean really who wants more? I’ll tell ya who, the drama mamas. It is mind-blowing to me to see how one person can create so much drama! And yet, this was me at one point in my life. Have you seen the meme/video where the cat slinks down the staircase dramatically or the dog that falls over when shot all dramatically? So cute!! But not so much when it’s a human. Are you the overly emotional one? I wouldn't say I am overly emotional but sometimes I have to check myself. Cause you never know when it's emotions driven or Holy Spirit driven. Ya feel me? It seems that I cry a lot, especially when it comes to family, sad things, and when I talk about my heavenly Father. Just know crying is not what constitutes being a drama mama tho.
Well, girl, let me tell you what it was like for me. Grab a cup of coffee and let’s chat about it. Let’s go back to a little suburb outside of Houston to a Christian loving home. Mom, Dad, and 4 children. Dad worked (many, many hours), Mom stayed home with 4 kids, a niece, and nephew; and decided to open a daycare. Not sure what the thinking was there but probably not such a good idea looking back. 11 kids all day with no car, stuck at home 24/7. Can you say cray cray?! A recipe for insanity! What I didn’t realize is that I probably should have been treated for anxiety or something along those lines; however, 25 years ago, we were told things like “if you have the mind of Christ you won’t need anything more”. Thankful that we can talk about those things today. I have never been diagnosed with anxiety but pretty sure I had it during those turbulent years. So, let’s move forward into the drama (like being home all day with 11 kids and no car wasn’t drama!). Todd tried explaining to me that I had a self-fulfilling prophecy. You don’t know what a self-fulfilling prophecy is? I didn’t have a clue but this is how it works… you set up expectations for the worst possible scenarios and ensure that they will happen. Sounds insane right? But if you don’t realize you are doing it, then there’s not a problem. Sometimes it’s nothing more than a mom (or anyone) feeling unappreciated or undervalued and is desperate for attention. Who would do that? Me. The Old Me. The one that needed to grow up and take responsibility for my life. Plan better. Budget better. Communicate better. Who said that? Wait, why would I take responsibility for my actions? Clearly, this is something our society needs to learn to do. So this self-fulling prophecy is nothing more than someone that is a drama mama but didn’t realize they were causing their own issues. I hated it and wanted a way out but couldn’t find one. Then I heard a sermon about victim-mentality. No really, it’s a thing. AND IT CHANGED MY LIFE! Until about 20+ years ago (yes, I’m that old), I hadn’t realized it was an actual thing. God used this sermon to change me because He knew I was going to need it moving forward, because ya know, more drama ahead. God and I had a little conversation about it and He let me know, I didn’t have to be the victim. He even dared to ask me why I enjoyed it so much. Wowza! That woke me up because I didn’t think I was having fun at all!
Round 2 of drama only this one wasn’t something that lasted for years it was so much stuff at once that I thought I would break. My Mom and Grandma both passed, we had some family turbulence, and lost everything we owned (yes everything! House, 2 cars etc.) and more! This was less than 6 months' time. So I went back to the sermon about the victim thing… you know because I was tired of being a victim. Why would I continue to allow bad things to happen? I mean, I might not be able to control everything but I could prevent some stuff from happening. Did you know you can even prevent some of the things from happening? I know! I was so shocked to learn that I could control my own life. Yes, that’s sarcasm. If you haven’t heard of the lotus of control, look it up. Life. Changing. We have to learn to control only what we can and walk away from the rest. Unless you like drama and want to be in tears all the time, then you go ahead on. But answer me this, if you decide to stay in drama mode, how many friends will you have? No one has time for that! It’s. Exhausting.
There is a person in my life that is a drama queen – the drama mama of all drama mamas. Lately, she has been happy but she is happy with the drama! It’s weird. Because at one time there was never a time we speak that she wasn’t crying and giving me the low down of everything happening. I have never seen anyone be able to cry on cue quite like this. I mean, she starts talking, no tears in her eyes, no signs of crying, and yet the tears begin falling down her cheek. It is eery. All I hear about is how the people in her life all have failed her and don’t love her. Not. One. Positive. Thing. She creates it and enables it because she thrives off of it. This is when she is happiest. I’m exhausted just listening to it. She has been invited to church, been prayed for, given books, etc. She doesn’t want help. So this is my cue to walk away. And it’s sad but I don’t need the drama in my life. Let it go (sing it like you just watched Frozen for that 1,000th time!)! This is what I have learned. Stop trying to put out the fires for people who are addicted to the flames.
Sometimes when I am talking to a friend, especially remembering the me from 20 years ago, I laugh and I cry. It is so cool to see how much I have grown.
The wonderful thing about looking back is seeing that your husband, friends, family, and children were there for you the entire way, rooting for you. And I am rooting for you. You too can walk away from the flames.
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