Sounds fun right? You just wanna sit and talk with me all day long. I’m good for it. Talk, talk, talk, it’s in my blood. My Momma used to tell me “you could talk to a fence post and not get bored.” Pretty sure I am not alone in this since I’ve seen so many memes on social media like “I’m homeschooling, if you see me talking to myself, I’m in a parent-teacher conference.” It’s funny because when I started writing this blog I was singing “Talking to Myself” (only in my head, it would not have been music to their ears, trust me), but instead, it was to the tune of “Dancing with Myself” by Billy Idol. Pretty sure I just dated myself. Thank goodness for Google! I had to look it up ‘cause I couldn’t shake it and I knew it wasn’t right. But there is a song called “Talking to Myself” so I was edified. Learned something new. And no, I didn’t listen to it, yet.
You know the thing about talking to ourselves is, as ladies, we tend to be negative. You know what I mean? Like, “why am I so stupid”? Or “I’m so fat.” Or “I’m so ugly” Or “I can’t do anything right.” Sound familiar? Oh, my goodness I was the worst! Why on earth would we let what someone else says about us, make us feel defective? It is mind-boggling to me and yet, I let it happen. You are not defective. You are not alone in this either. Don’t let anyone, even yourself, tell you that. What do we do to change this pattern? You hear “just start talking positively to yourself.” Yeah, right. That works for about a day and a half, and when I “don’t feel” better, then it starts again. I’m expecting my feelings to just change from negative to positive, just like that. At the snap of my fingers, my feelings should be lining up with what I’m doing. Ha ha ha what’s wrong with me anyway? Welp, there I go again. See how hard it is? My pastor in his amazing Nigerian accent says, “you don’t FEEL like it? What do feelings have to do with it anyway?” This has helped Todd and me so much when pursuing a new ministry, new company, etc.
I want to be a Deborah. Do you know who Deborah is? This amazing judge of Israel, otherwise known as the Mother of Israel. I have been studying her more in-depth and her song is impressive. We need to learn from it. She tells herself to awake and be the change that Israel needs. She doesn’t wait for anyone to tell her what she needs to do. She doesn’t need approval. She just does it. “Why can’t I be like a Deborah?” I hear ya! Oh, but my darling, you can. I have found a secret that has changed my world.
There was a printout that I was given that shows all about what to do with thoughts and feelings. In this photo you will see two rows of boxes – one is God’s Truth and One is False Beliefs. Basically, your negative self-talk, leads to negative emotions, and negative behaviors. If you believe God’s truth, speak healthy talk, you anticipate emotions that may not happen. When the new emotions don’t happen, you go back to the bottom row. That’s the zigzag. However, if you just keep walking in obedience then you will see healthy behaviors, then you will get the anticipated emotions. You may zig-zag for a bit, but you will get there. DON’T GIVE UP! Let me tell you something, I have been wandering around out here in the desert for 40 years like the Children of Israel because I couldn’t get past the zigzag. It is the most amazing information I have ever received.
Of course, I have asked “why would I do this? are we crazy? and what if we fail?” questions when we started WRM and now, the writing. I feel myself zig-zagging. Second-guessing myself and my abilities is a killer. Negative self-talk is a killer! BUT. NO. MORE. Now when I see that zigzag, I’m all like “what ya gonna do when the zig-zag comes for you?” (Did you sing it? I have every time I proofed it!) You’re gonna write, make vlogs, and do the things… and dance just because I love dancing. I don’t always FEEL like it tho. Doubt will creep in and I wanna know why the blogs/vlogs aren’t shared if everyone likes them (I do appreciate the feedback we get) … you know, the normal things we all do. The what-ifs or why should I’s. But reality is, I am walking in obedience with what He told me to do and the emotions will follow if I give it time. My hope is to move past the self-help stuff and writing about me, although, I’m pretty special, don’t ya think? This is just what is flowing out of me. So many blogs ready to post but don’t want to overwhelm. This is what I am to be doing. Wouldn’t it be a shame to have grown into the person He wants me to be and not share it with others so they can too, just because of a little zigzag? Plus it helps when we need courage!
But it would be fun to write about tacos… You know you want my taco recipe. Maybe that will be my next blog! Love me some Taco Tuesday!
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