After two years, we decided it was time to share our story… This is Us… No really, I have never watched the show. Life has a way of weaving in more drama than we need. Getting it from a tv show is not for me. Grab a cup of java and let’s go down memory lane… #hottoddy and I have been together for 31 years. We have 4 kiddos, three of whom are married, 3 grands, and 3 bonus grands. I heard a phrase recently and it was something that hit me to my core so I applied it to our life and made it part of WRM is all about. We have built a life together. Some people are married for longer than we have and they have merely co-existed. Did ya hear that? It’s more than a little sad to know that once the kids are gone, the life they led is nothing more than a co-existence. Doing their own thing separately. I mean, doing things separately is a definite but to never do anything together is no good. Being able to look back over the years to see the good times, bad times, and all of the improvements in your relationship should make your heart happy.
So back to us… We had a mutual friend that introduced us. She showed my picture to Todd and he said “um no”… lol not really. His reason for not wanting to meet me was because I had a kid. I do not fault him at all. His plans in life were to never marry or have kids. If he did marry, his wife would not take his name. He was a yuppy. If you know him now, go ahead and laugh… because the yuppy life is not what he got. God had a much different plan for him. He was an atheist and I was a Christian. Great combo don’t you think? Over the next couple of months, Todd found Jesus and we were married in the following March.
Have you ever had a moment where you are experiencing what you immediately know is a great moment in your life? Within that moment, you find peace and joy that leaves you sailing through the world… until it crashes down, and suddenly, you’re unsettled, expecting the end, fearing what might happen in the future, depressed, and/or anxious. The first few years of marriage were a bit difficult. You know the part where you are learning to live with another human being that does things the way they want to… yeah, it was so much fun. There were so many things from our upbringing, our first marriages, different spiritual walks, etc. that made it a little rough. The word divorce was used on more than one occasion in our first years of marriage. One time when Todd when into the closet to let off some steam over something I had said or done, his first thought was that “fine, I will give you your divorce woman”. But the Holy Spirit quickly deposited into him that “divorce was not an option” and that became our mantra. We both had different ways of trying to deal with it. I tried to be the best mom and wife all the while losing it over the little things. Meanwhile, I tried hard to make sure they had great memories. He worked late. There were so many things we needed to learn that would have helped us at the beginning.
Moving forward to being married about 10 years into marriage we started attending a church where the pastors were all about marriage and family. They invited a minister to speak and he was all about family and marriage. When he spoke, I was mesmerized by how much I needed to learn. We bought every VHS tape he had. Yep, we are that old. We started applying the things we were learning and amazingly enough, it starting changing things. Who woulda thought? I’m gonna let you in on a little secret… if you learn the tools but don’t use them… the life won’t build itself. We both wished we had learned some of these things much earlier in our life. And some things, well, we are still working on.
Then one of the biggest changes in my life was empty nesting. Yes, technically we have one kid at home but he does his own things. We are not continuing to parent him. Oh yes, I am aware that when he moves out I will have more issues but for now, we are settled. It shook me because my identity was wrapped up in being a mom and a wife. So I went to work… I work for #hottoddy and have for 9 years. I am the best thing that ever happened to this company. It didn’t happen overnight. Once I stepped into the confidence God was calling me into and began to fill the role I was supposed to, did it happen. This did help me start to discover I was my own person. Then along came a little makeup business that transformed me. I don’t mean just because I finally learned how to put on makeup in my 40s. It forced me out of my comfort zone. You know taking selfies into taking selfies, making videos, and when FB live started, had to start going live was not something that came easy to me. It built confidence. Some wanted to tell me that it was narcissistic to take selfies and post but God used it for my benefit just as His Word says it will. It gave me the confidence to start book clubs, Bible studies, and to share what was on my heart.
Then in 2018, it was time for convention… It was so fun going to convention with all the other makeup ladies but this year was different. I needed someone to go with me. My first thought was to ask Todd and make it a getaway weekend. He was not excited. But he did decide to go. It was awesome. Convention was great, I skipped all the classes but went to the main sessions and got my “free” makeup. Listened to Keala Settle (she played the bearded lady in “The Greatest Showman”… It was so good! Then we spent the rest of the time together. It was a first that we weren’t visiting kids or working. One of the nights was truly a game-changer for us. We sat up all night talking which is something we hadn’t done since the first couple of weeks when we met. Deep discussions of who we are, what we wanted, what our expectations are… things most couples do not get into. It was life-changing.
Coming home from San Antonio, I was doing all the things business. Working that business like we were instructed to. He was super quiet. I couldn’t figure out why. Once we were getting close to home, I asked him what he was thinking about. My expectations were that it was work-related since we had been gone. Generally, he is always thinking ahead and planning for business and clients. This time was different. God had been downloading all things WRM into him while I was oblivious. Once he started sharing with me, I was so excited…
And so it begins… we get home and we know exactly what we are going to do. The research began, videos, Facebook lives, all of it was happening and we were so excited. We became certified marriage mentoring and continued to grow in our relationship. At the beginning of 2020, I was hoping to take it to the next level but then this dumpster fire of a year took a nose dive straight to the depths of the deep bottomless pits. It was dark, gloomy, and oppressive. How could this be the year that things were going to grow? I must be wrong. 2020 vision. I loved that it was spoken over the year and it was exactly what happened for us. This year we both have grown. God used a friend to be my Mordecai and speak encouragement as well as some scolding to get me to where God was taking me. Todd caught on and came along for the ride. Now… WRM includes lives, messages, videos, blogs, side table discussions, and podcasts.
God used 2020 to call all of us into a new, deeper relationship with Him.
Comments